This morning while bringing Hudson to school I got a bit weepy. He was all dressed up for picture day, his cowlicks were tamed and he just looked so grown up. It made me feel old. But this isn’t the thing that really made me feel like an adult this week. The thing that really made me feel like an adult is that I bought a cheese board.
I need the cheese board for an event I was hosting. I bought some fancy pants cheese (meaning I bought it at Whole Foods) that I felt needed to be properly presented.
The purchasing of a cheese board is the last rite of passage to adulthood. It goes driver’s license, registering to vote, buying a cheese board. In my twenties, I didn’t even know that such a thing existed. Now I am more mature and realize that the cheese board is the key to civilized gatherings. Without it we might as well just start grunting at each other and flinging poo. The cheese board has the ability to stimulate adult conversation. Everyone could be talking about Snooki’s Twitter feed, enter someone carrying a cheese board and suddenly your talking 401ks and derivatives and financial adult shit like that. (Forgive me. I just purchased the cheese board this week so I haven’t harnessed all of its power).
Now. I’m about to blow your mind with my adultness. I also bought cheese markers. That’s right. I have cheese so sophisticated it needs a nametag. Just looking at the cheese markers makes me want to start taking calcium supplements for better bone density.
I did stop short of buying the pack of assorted cheese knives. Everyone knows that the pack of assorted cheese knives is purchased the day you get your AARP card and are ready to start discussing your bowel movements in public and I’m just not in that phase of my life yet. When I am though, you’re all invited to the party. The only problem is that I probably won’t be able to serve cheese then as it is so constipating.